Elephant Man

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T rue F aces

The E-Man

Profession: Circus performer, and “Dumbo” impersonator.

Hobbies: Sticking things up my trunk.

H i, I am the E-Man. Yes, I work for the circus. Obviously a man who looks like an Elephant is cheaper to employ than a real elephant from Africa: we are easier to feed, (requiring only about half the tonnage.) We are easier to train too, (only seldom do we need to be whipped, slapped, kicked, jabbed in the ribs with long sticks, or chained to the ground,) and we hardly ever defecate during a performance, (a smelly pile of Elephant man dung is only half the size of that from the African continent.) Anyway, the pay is not bad either. I make as much as a lion or a tiger, and we have plenty of peanuts. Better still, we are not afraid of small rodents; we don’t get nervous during interviews. And when a union man is sick we can drive a truck, or clean out our own smelly cages. Disadvantages: impossible to attend safari’s without getting shot at, or molested by raging elephant bulls in heat, and, worse still, making a serious impression when applying for a bank loan.

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