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True Fate |
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Aries (21. 3.-20. 4.) |
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Career: you might not know it Aries, but it was always your secret dream to become a circus performer. Yes, now is the time to live out your dreams. In about one week a travelling circus will be passing through your town. They will be looking for new talent. It will be easy for you. You won’t even have to put an act together. Why? Because all at once your skin will become leathery. Your nose will begin to grow too, becoming flexibly muscular. Your incisor teeth will grow likewise, soon protruding proudly on either side of your upper jaw. Fan shaped ears, extending some five feet, will replace your normal ones. Your feet will become broad and round and you will gain weight until you are about 16, 500 lb’s. Suddenly you will have a mad desire to strip trees of branches and bark and even uproot them. Finally, after you rampage through your backyard eating everything, including your neighbours tulips, you will leave giant piles of dung behind you in your garden. The bad news: your neighbours will complain of the savage stench. Love: Sorry Aries only an elephant can truly love another elephant. And considering that your conversations will be limited to high pitched wails, grunts and goofy body movements you will have little to talk about. Thus, I am afraid you will be lonely. Money: Naturally the circus will take you on at once, not that they need another elephant of course; but, quite frankly, an elephant that can talk, smoke cigarettes, read poetry, and clean out its own pen is worth its weight in gold. Health: Sorry Aries, you will suffer from weight problems, your nose will run all day long, you will get infections from whippings and beatings with long sticks, and rashes from hungry parasites. The good news: you will make children happy all over the nation . . . Aries, look out for rotten peanuts.
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Copyright ©1999 by Michael Hills ... all rights reserved. |
