Cancer

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True Fate

Cancer (22. 6.-22. 7.)

Career: The stars will be merciful this month Cancer. Oh joy! You will win the lottery. You will meet a young, sexy member of the opposite sex too. And you will keep your windfall a secret while collecting the money in disguise. Then you will quit your job, and run away with your new lover to a paradise resort. Love: Your spouse -- because you are not good at keeping secrets -- will hate your guts forever. And since your spouse's brother, Butch, is a mean private detective you will be forced to keep your disguise and creep about like some cowardly fugitive. On the other hand, your new playmate will gladly entertain you in wild positions of sexual intercourse. And you will finally live out all of those erotic fantasies which have been bottled up inside of you. Money: Great! Your lover will do anything you demand, but not because you are in any way attractive or charismatic, moreover, because you are rich. Yes, you will spend your money like a complete idiot. And after one month of parties, mindless shopping sprees, gambling, champagne, and expensive hotels, you will be penniless. Health: Of course being penniless is nothing for young, sexy members of the opposite sex; especially for those members who live, day by day, from idiots and their lottery money. Sorry Cancer, your lover will leave you one morning when you are sleeping off a hangover. The dirty hustler will creep away taking the last of your money, credit cards, and cigarettes too . . . Eventually you will wake up, yet not to find your playmate lying beside you, but, most unfortunately, your spouse's brother, Butch! Yes, Butch will find you in the end. He will beat you to a pulp, put his cigarette out on your forehead, and confiscate your clothes. . . You will wake up again, this time to find your head stuffed in a toilet bowl. Confused, you will get to your feet, stagger across the room, out onto the balcony; and there, as a strong gust of northerly wind sweeps across the skyscraper, you will be blown over the railing, and down into the hotel swimming pool . . . Fortunately a retired Olympic swimmer will come to your rescue. Unfortunately -- because he is 90 years of age -- he will be to late . . . Cancer, please, do not buy any lottery tickets this month.

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