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Just another Eve?
Who would not want to be a God? Put up your hand! Every one, if it were possible. Now lets be honest. And those few gifted and abominable individuals who have, in fact, earned the title here on earth will hardly admit the impossibility. Of course a great deal of those earthly Gods can be found in the mental hospitals and schizophrenic wards across the country. Sometimes, however, one of them manages to fly over the cuckoos nest, and upon landing is not only convinced that she is a Messiah, but, at the same time, is able to convince others of the fact. Mad, true, but not as improbable as one might think. His or her private madness turns into the madness of the masses, and then a cult, sect, or when the impostor has enough luck and madness to go around, a religion is born!!
Joanna Southscott was no acceptation. From an early age supernatural voices came to her in the night to conspire with her in the construction of a great spiritual scheme. These voices prophesied that she would become "the bride of Christ." Soon she believed herself to be the "second Eve," (as if the first one was not enough, right.) This would mean that she would be the women who would redeem mankind from the original sin into which the first Eve had led us.
Well, this all seemed terribly ridiculous, and most people dismissed Southscott as the lunatic she was. Yet, soon Southscott would be graced with a great deal of divine luck. She predicted the death of an important clergyman. Amazingly, the man did, indeed, die as she had foreseen. This gave Southscott that grain of credibility necessary for people to pay attention to her. Thus, Joanna eventually acquired a large following, and her sect had chapels throughout Britain . . .
No this is not the end of the story. If the story were to stop here, all well and good, yet then it would not be worthy of the "Naked Truth." No, we must guard our standards. Because life is stranger than fiction, here is the proof. And thank God that Joanna Southscott had lived her life the way she had lived it back then in 1800, for here is another jewel for our inventory . . .
Soon the voices were telling Southscott of a great honour she was about to be bestowed. The voices said that the Second Messiah was about to return to the earth. Joanna would be the Messiah's mother, she, and only she, had been chosen to carry the holy child!
You could not image the joy she felt at that moment; not just because she had been chosen, but more importantly because just as quickly as the voices had made the announcement so too did her womb start to grow. Yes, it was true. Like Mary of Jesus an immaculate conception! What a blessing! The next day her followers could not believe their eyes. And the joy they felt when she announced that she would shortly give birth to the second Messiah promised in the book of Revelations was staggering. And better still her pregnancy was actually confirmed by a number of renowned doctors. Now there seemed to be no more doubt in the minds of even her most skeptical enemies as to her authenticity. Her spiritual scheme was complete and now there was no one to stand in her way. She would become one of the most important religious figures in history, that much was certain . . .
Yes, the belief in the second coming of Christ has not only instilled a sense of optimism, joy, and fear amongst millions of the faithful all around the world, it has likewise paved the way for bogus Messiah's. This time, however, it appeared that Joanna Southscott would bare to the world the real thing; all the more genuine, for it is highly unlikely that a women in her mid 60s could possibly conceive a child, especially when that particular women was a virgin . . .
Preparations were made. A wonderful cradle was constructed for the expected Messiah. Carved of satinwood and fitted with silk hangings, lambs wool blankets, and gold embroidered sheets -- to be sure, a cradle fit for a king.
The Messiah was to be born on October 19th, 1814. As the holy day approached crowds gathered outside her house. Yet the day came and went. A knew date was announced. Soon she became ill. People worked themselves into a fever of excitement . . . Then, finally, on December 24, she got out of bed, went to the window rubbing her fat belly, yawned, screwed up her eyes, let out a dry fart, and before any one could come to her aid, or call for the doctor, she fell back upon the cradle, crushing it into splinters, and died right there a second later.
Joanna was found to have been suffering from an enlargement of the womb. Now people were saying that it was not the seed of God, but the seed of the devil inside of her. A typical reaction by those who are willing to put their trust in the hands of a lunatic, and afterwards are tormented by guilt . . .
Anyway, despite this blow to their expectations -- despite the obvious fact that Joanna was nothing more than a blubbering idiot who managed to fool some of the greatest religious and scientific minds of her time -- despite all of this, the foolish lambs of Joanna Southscott continued to believe in her divinity. They asserted that a "Spiritual" child had been born and that one only needed the "eye of faith (or a terrible case of schizophrenia) to see and love him."
Copyright ©1999 by Michael Hills ... all rights reserved.